Total Freak

My appt is what, 6 days away? I am totally freaking out. I always, always get myself worked up over this stuff & everything turns out fine. I don't know what my deal is. I am so freaked out about this ultrasound. For whatever reason I have this thought in my head that the babies are dead. Don't ask me why I think this. I've felt little twinges on both sides off & on lately. Their heartbeats were great on Christmas Eve & my bloodwork came out great. This is such a big milestone, if that is what you want to call it. We've got all this baby gear set up in their nursery & my fear is that it will be all taken away. Sometimes feels like this is all a big blur or something. I haven't totally forgotten all the stuff I did to get to this point. All the pokes & Doctors all up in my business. I think after struggling that long, a part of me just expected it not to happen for us, & even now, with my big gut hanging over my pants, I am still sort of in denial & thinking it is all just a dream. When I wake up, it will all be gone.
I know stressing isn't good for the babies or myself, & I am trying to chill out, really I am. Just want them to be ok & healthy. And the thought of them not, makes my heart ache. I loved them even when they weren't a "them". When they were just little blastocysts. I love the ones that are in storage for goodness sakes! Those are "future babies". Maybe this is all hormonal? Who knows? I've been in this weepy stage for awhile now, maybe that is what is going on.
Everything will be ok. I know this somewhere in my pea brain. Just needed to vent. Jason & I are putting one of the cribs together tomorrow, so that is pretty exciting. We've come a long way!

For Christia: Here are the links to our furniture & bedding..... :)
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3245139 -crib

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3382626 changing table
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3045325 bedding