No Luck

No u/s for us. It has to be done in a different building & since it was Christmas Eve, they were closed. Now I have to wait. Which might not be such a bad thing since I am a little over 17 weeks & I know the closer I can get to 20 weeks, the better the odds that there won't be a mistake in them telling us the gender. And I can go shopping! We should hear from them on either Monday or Tuesday so I might wait until I am 19 weeks or so to make the appt. I've waited this long, what's a couple more weeks. :) But on the flip side, Jason got to hear their heartbeats for the first time. Baby on the left was found right away (145), but baby on the right was being difficult as usual. This was my 3rd time hearing them & each time that little turkey moves around & makes it hard for them to capture the heartbeat. Jason knew this, but was freaking out a bit. Dr. finally got it for a second only to loose it, but eventually he got it (150). He measured my tummy & since they don't use a real guideline for multiples, I measure at 26 weeks!! I am really only 17!! EEKKK! I am just waiting for someone to ask how many more weeks I have left until I deliver, & it is more like 4 1/2 months or so I have left!! Add it to the list of things we have to laugh about! You got to laugh about it, cause crying just isn't going to cut it. So far everything is going great. Hopefully once we have that u/s, they babes will be ok & growing at the pace they should be.

Counting the Hours

I know it is has been a long time since posting on here. Don't think many people would find it interesting hearing all my paranoid thoughts & feelings. So I figured I should just keep it too myself. I am 17 weeks now. In a few hours we have our appt. It is 3 am & I am up, but I went to bed like at 7!! I am soooo old. I know I have to have some bloodwork done & I am hoping an ultrasound too. I am going to beg & plead for one at least. :) Many of my twin-mommas'-to-be have already found out what they are having by this time, so I am going to ask if we can find out the same. I am excited & anxious. Trying not to get my hopes up too high, just in case they make me wait until 20 weeks, but still, if I can at least see my babies & have pics of them to show to the family, I think that would be a wonderful Christmas gift. I haven't seen my little peanuts since 10 weeks, so I know they look much different now. It is hard not knowing & I am uber impatient. But, I've waited a long time for this, so if we have to wait, I guess a few more weeks won't kill me!

We ordered our cribs & changing table the other day. That is our Christmas gifts. We figured we've got twins on the way, & honestly, Jason & I do not need anything anyways, so it is only right that it should all go towards the nursery. I am getting excited about decorating, have a few ideas, but just waiting on the ultrasound. My ma-n-law got us a great glider, which I love, so that was our first piece of furniture in there. My mom got us a great tandem buggy & 2 swings.

Can't believe how fast this all is going. I've been trying to enjoy it, but it makes me worry a little that this whole pregnancy is just flying by. I've waited so long for this & I want to enjoy it, but it needs to slow down just a tad. I might be saying something different in a month or two, but right now I wanna enjoy this. Who knows if we will be lucky enough again for this to happen.
I will post any news I get from our appt. today. Keep your fingers crossed we can find out the sexes of our babies. Merry Christmas!

Moving On

This morning was my first appointment with my ob. Like always, I was nervous. But also this was a huge victory for me. The last time I was in his office this past January, I was in a room filled with pregnant people. Then there was me, the little infertile one, sitting there, wishing for it all to be over. Quickly. Today, I was one of 4 preggers ladies in the room & it felt good. I had to refrain myself from saying, "YES"!! out loud. I am pathetic, I know.
So, onto my actual appt. My bloodwork was interesting to say the least. They always, always, have trouble getting to my veins (thanks mom). And 3 people & 5 pricks later, SUCCESS!! They finally got my blood. Then it was time to see the Doc. He knows how much we struggled to get to this point, so he was so thrilled to see me. I had to have a lovely exam since I would be due for one when I am pretty heavily pregnant, so we did that & then it was time for the heartbeats. At the fertility clinic, they would just measure them, we were not able to hear them. Today I got to hear them. Was kinda hard to hear at first on that little handheld thing, but once he got one, you could tell that was what it was. Both are nice & strong. Sadly there was no ultrasound pictures to see how much they've grown these past 2 weeks. I've been so spoiled having one every 2 weeks at the fertility clinic, but hearing the heartbeats was enough to tie me over. For a little while anyways. We talked about how he will have to see me more often & that there is more testing with twins, so be prepared. Also, about my tilted pelvis. I've always known about this & it has been mentioned to me before that having a baby vaginally may prove to be difficult. So, he talked to me about this. He said that if the first baby is head down, we could try vaginally, but that I could opt for a c-section. Also, if I try to do it that way, the chances of me ending up just having a c-section is pretty high. So, regardless if the first baby is head down, I can have the option of the c-section, & then obviously, if it isn't, I don't have a choice. But he said we would talk more about that when I get further along. I was prepared for that, like I said cause I've known about my pelvis. Still a tad scary, but you do what you need to do. So, in a nutshell, that was my first ob appt. Pretty simple, except for the bloodwork part, & like usual, I worried for nothing. :) I did ask him if everything was good & he said, "No, Amy, not good... Perfect".

10 weeks & counting

Both babies are doing great. Baby A is measuring at 10wks 4 days, Baby B is at 10wks 3 days. Both heartbeats are at 165, so that is great. Had some trouble getting Baby A's heartbeat at first because he/she kept pumping their arm. Was cute to see, but I have no idea what that little one was doing! Maybe dancing? I am not sure, but was pretty cool to watch. Baby B was nice & relaxed so that made it easier to measure. I can't help but wonder if this is a very early sign of what is to come. One wild one & one little meditative Buddha.

This was my very last visit to the fertility clinic. It is a huge victory but also very sad for me as well. This has been such a large part of my life for so long. We went to 2 different fertility clinics before starting with our current one, & by far these people are the best. I do not wish infertility on anyone, but if it is something that they face, Pacific NW Fertility is HIGHLY recommended. I got a visit from our re after my ultrasound. She told me I was finally free of the place & that they want updates from us. I had wrote down some things I wanted to say cause I always go blank during those appointments, so I basically told her that I have no doubt that the reason we had success was because they are in the business to actually help people succeed. My previous offices would have me in tears because of things that were said, things that should not have been said. Never once did I cry after a visit from here. These people hold a huge place in my heart & always will. What a wonderful job to have, help people who can't conceive on their own, have their own family. It is amazing & they are amazing, wonderful people. They will all be in my prayers every night for as long as I live.

So, now in 2 weeks I start seeing my own ob. I am anxious for this. And I have very high expectations from him after being at the fertility clinic. If I could continue getting care all throughout my pregnancy, I would rather keep going to the fertility clinic, but I will just have to suck it up & let go. As soon as I can get their new pictures scanned, I will post them on here. It is getting harder to get a clear picture of both of them together & Baby A is a lot clearer than Baby B. But the important thing is that they are both doing great & getting so big.

1st Ultrasound Pics

Here are their 1st pictures @ 6 weeks. Sorry it has been awhile since posting them. Big difference from these to the 8 weeks. These ones are a bit clearer though. You get the idea.

2nd ultrasound

The scanning of these pics are a little wacky, so I apologize for that! I still need to get their 6 week ultrasound pics on here too. Anyways, I was originally scheduled to go in this Wednesday for an ultrasound, but I had this smidge of spotting this morning, so naturally I freaked, called the Dr's. & went in. She checked me all out, everything was good. Then, it was the ultrasound to check on the babies. They've grown so big in 2 weeks! Once I get their 6 week pics posted you will see for yourself! Both heartbeats are really good. Baby A's (really is Baby B) was 150 & Baby B's ( really baby A) was 161. Right within the normal range. On these new pics of the babies they are reversed. On our previous ultrasound, Baby B is on the left, Baby A is on the right. So, just switch the letters on these new ones & it will be straight. :) I feel relieved that they are still doing great. But I have some sadness since this was our last visit to the fertility clinic. Now I am off to my own obgyn. That is exciting, but the fertility clinic has been a huge part of my life for so long, that I think I am suffering a bit from separation anxiety!! But it is a good thing, right? I am happy, don't get me wrong, but I will miss them. They've been wonderful to Jason & I & they were the ones that got us pregnant after 4 years of trying. I am sure they are a bit relieved that I won't be around to call & pester them with every twinge I have! Now my Dr. gets to deal with that. I am paranoid, what can I do? I need to relax, that much I know. So just wanted to update. I will post their 6 week pics too. Again, sorry for the crooked pics. Oh. And the one pic that is labeled "Baby A" looks like 2 heads, but that is their yolk sac. I asked, cause I thought it had 2 heads too cause I am sorry, that is what it looks like!!

1st Ultrasound

Today was our first ultrasound at 6 weeks 1 day. I've been down in the dumps these last few days. Even though I've felt sick & not that great, I started spotting a bit. I was completely convinced that it didn't work or maybe I was loosing it. I had no cramping at all, so I didn't think that, but the spotting just got to me. Well, we go in, she checks my ovaries (they were fine), my cervix (fine), seemed like she kept stalling, so I started to get upset..... then she says, "You guys are having Twins!!" I couldn't believe what I just heard. I looked over at Jason & his eyes were watery then got VERY LARGE. He looked like a deer in headlights!! :) Poor thing. They measured right where they should. Baby A's heartbeat was 110 & Baby B's was 111. They said that was right where it should be. They each are in their own little sack or "home" And like I said before, are developing right where they should be. I go in 2 weeks for my 8 week ultrasound to make sure they keep growing & then I can start seeing my own dr. after that. I will be sad to leave that place. Our actual dr. came in to tell us congrats.... I was still in such shock still, that I know I kept saying "thank you, thank you, thank you". After years of trying & tests & poking& disappointments, it was all worth it to have this moment right now. We even saw their little hearts beating. Was amazing. I still can't believe this, but so thankful to everyone for their support & their prayers. I will keep you posted.

Blood # 3

Well, my blood work from today is 1695!! It went from 809 on Friday to 1695 today. So that is pretty good. I've run out of the progesterone shot that I have been doing every morning, so tomorrow I have to go to the Dr. for them to give it to me. Jason gets a day off! :) Then we will move onto the transition, so I won't have another shot until the 3rd of October of the new progesterone ( the one that stings like a motha' ) & I think I will only do that once a week until November 7th. That won't be so bad. Our first ultrasound will be on October 8th. I am excited, yet nervous. I hope that everything goes good with them & there are no problems. One day at a time, though, right?
I spent all of yesterday in Vancouver w/ my grandma. She is out of ICU & in her own private room. She didn't have any need for any more blood transfusions yesterday & so far today. So she is getting better. She has her appetite back & she was getting kind of feisty! She just needs to rest. She still has a long way to go still, but she is slowly improving, so that is all we can hope for now. They are trying to find a different blood-thinner to put her on, otherwise there might be more problems later on. She is a little fighter, so thank heavens for that!

# 2

Had blood work this morning to make sure my numbers from Wednesday went up. Was nervous about this one, because the day we found out we were pregnant, I got a call from my parents saying my grandmother was in the hospital & it didn't look good. She had a stroke last August & aside from her speech, she seemed to be doing o.k. Well, she began to bleed internally. I guess that can happen with the type of blood-thinner she was on since the stroke. She lost a lot of blood & honestly it didn't look good. I couldn't believe that the day I thought may never happen, the happiest day of my life turned into heartache. My grandmother is in Vancouver, Washington, which is about 2-2 1/2 hours away. We spent all day yesterday with her. She was alert but very weak. She has had 13 transfusions since being there. It is one of those catch-22 things. They found the source of her bleeding in her colon, but they are hoping it will heal on its own. Today she was doing a lot better, didn't bleed as much, but it will all depend what her blood work comes back as to what the next step is. This has been a crazy week to say the least. Our family also found out that Thomas Martin, the man that killed my sister, died on Sunday. Such a strange thing still to think that he is dead. He took a big part of my life away from me when I was 14 & I've had to live my life without her since then, but he has been alive & walking this earth the whole time. For me, it is something that will take some getting used too. Hopefully this will help bring some closure to my family after all this time.
Back to my blood work today. Wednesday was 401. Today it was 809!! It doubled! That is a great sign. So I started yet ANOTHER shot in the butt. I will say this, I HATE THIS ONE. It is progesterone in sesame oil. Lets just say that I am STILL feeling it in my cheek & it has been about an hour! Not fun. But all for a good cause. I will still do the same progesterone in oil like I have been doing...& in a few days I will do the other one. It was kinda cool, cause the little schedule she gave me for these shots today said "Days to begin progesterone after POSITIVE pregnancy results!" Yes!! I am still getting used to it. Will take some time to let it sink in. Thankfully my grandmother was alert & I could show her the pictures of them from the transfer & tell her she was to a great-grandma. I will never forget how big her eyes got & she cried. I hope this will give her something to keep fighting for. I am going to head off to bed, I am TIRED! And I am heading down to Vancouver again tomorrow morning to spend the day with her. I have another appointment on Sunday morning, so I will post the results then!!

The news

Today was my beta. I am PREGNANT!!! Can you freakin' believe it? My # is 401, so they said it was excellent numbers. I go in on friday morning to make sure my #'s keep going up. I am in shock still. Just got off the phone with Jason, he is at work, & they are short staffed, so I think he is in shock like me. He kept telling me congrats!! Poor thing. I really thought this was going to come back negative since I had a little bit of spotting yesterday..... I just can't believe this at all. I've gone through all of these fertility treatments for a reason, but after so many negatives, you get used to it after awhile I suppose. So when you hear something different, it puts you into shock or something. Such a weird place to be in. But a great one!!
Just called my parents, my mom is at work, but I talked to my dad. I told him that he was going to be a grandpa & his reply was "I am too young & handsome to be a grandpa". I know he said this to get me to stop weeping & get me to laugh. And it worked to some degree..... Now I can't wait for my mom to get off of work later & she finds out. You will probably hear her screaming from Montana!! :) She has waited a long time for this & I've wanted to tell her she was going to be a grandma for a long time too.....
Keep your fingers crossed that my #'s keep going up, & that they are healthy. And Christia, I know u read this so I will tell u that you've been such a wonderful friend to me. Always supportive & understanding. You truly are a wonderful person with a great big heart. You are far away, but I am sending u a little hug for always listening to me blab!!

Transfer

Yesterdays transfer went really well. The embryologist told us that the 2 we were transferring were grade A (meaning they are the best!) They will be freezing 5 others, possibly 1 more that are all grade A!! These are the pictures of our day 5 blastocyst that were transferred. :) The whole procedure itself was painless. Much easier than the those IUI's I did in the past. I would cramp up so bad during those. During an IVF transfer, your bladder has to be super full in order for them to get the best image on the ultrasound. We watched as the embryologist sucked them both in the transfer tube on a big screen, then they were brought in, & our re put them in. They had marked where my uterine lining was (which looked good still too) & you could actually see the catheter go in, then these 2 very small things come out. I lost it then. Was the most amazing thing in the world to see. Then it was all done. Just had to lay there for 20 minutes then off we went. I slept part of the day & just resting again today. In 10 days we will know if it worked. They said that there is a 50% chance of twins (Jason freaked a bit on that one) & a 70% chance at pregnancy. So we got some odds on our side, but it is still up in the air. They said I had a perfect IVF cycle, so that makes me feel good..... Now we just have to wait!!

Blastocyst Info

Here is some info about the day 5 blastocysts from our office. :)




Blastocyst and Extended Culture

The continued refinement of the lab and culture media offers greater opportunity for infertile couples. The introduction of blastocyst culture is the latest important step that helps increase implantation rates while minimizing multiple births. Recent studies confirm the fact that blastocyst transfers on day 5 or day 6 have essentially equivalent pregnancy rates if not greater than compared to embryo transfers on day 3. However, the advantage’s with blastocyst culture is the transfer of significantly fewer embryos while maintaining these pregnancy rates.

Traditionally, embryos have been transferred to the uterus on the second or third day of development after in vitro fertilization. New culture media now are designed to take into account the changing needs of the developing embryo in vitro allowing laboratories to extend culture of these embryos for up to six days.

After five to 6 days of growth, the cells of the embryo should have divided many times over, and have begun to differentiate by function. The embryos that survive to this stage of development are usually strong, healthy, and robust. They are now called blastocysts. At this point, the blastocyst contains around 100 cells that are formed into 2 distinct types, the inner cell mass that goes on to make the fetus and the surface cells called the trophectoderm that goes on to make the placenta.


What Are the Benefits of Blastocyst Transfer?

Blastocyst culture allows for better selection of an embryo for transfer as described above which leads to higher implantation / pregnancy rates and a reduction in high order multiple births. This means that various obstetrical complications that may arise from multiple pregnancies can be minimized. It is especially important in helping patients avoid having to make the difficult personal and ethical decisions regarding selective reduction. Pacific Northwest Fertility and IVF Specialists recommend transferring 1-2 blastocysts.

Is Blastocyst Culture and Transfer for Everyone?

Candidates for a blastocyst transfer typically are younger and have a large number of eggs. On average those having 8 or more embryos on day 3 are potential candidates for blastocyst culture. Other candidates may be those patients in which a multiple pregnancy would put them at an extreme risk. Unfortunately, blastocyst culture does not improve the quality of an embryo. Most poor quality embryos will not become blastocyst and even some high quality embryos will never become blastocysts. Finally there are those rare patients whose embryos develop very poorly in the blastocyst culture media and therefore need to be transferred on day 3.

7

Dr. just called, looks like my transfer will be on Sunday!! 7 of the 9 are super strong, the other 2 are a little bit slower. So, since we have so many stronger looking eggs, they want to wait to do a transfer on day 5 blastocyst stage to weed out the best ones. I am excited but a little nervous. They still have the rest of today & Saturday to keep growing, so I am hoping that we don't loose too many more. 7 is still a lot though. And we are only transferring 2. We shall see what happens. In so many ways this is better, scheduling wise. Jason is at work today & if the transfer was today, he would have to leave work to come with me since they have you take a Valium 30 minutes before the procedure. Not sure why that is exactly, so that has me a bit worried. Also, you have to drink tons of water. They say 1 liter. Yes, 1 liter!! They can better see everything with the ultrasound if you have a full bladder.
Everything is looking really good they said, so I can stop worrying now for a bit. I know if it is meant to be it will happen, if not, we will try again. This whole process really wasn't as bad as I feared. Don't get me wrong, it is not walk in the park, but really wasn't too bad. Jason has been doing a really great job with my progesterone shots in the morning. He is the lucky one that gets to give it to me since it is in the butt. The needle is frighteningly long, I will have to take it's picture & post it. Makes your cheek a bit sore the rest of the day, but nothing I can't handle. I am so freakin' proud of Jason for taking charge & having the strength to give me my shots. I am sure he takes some sick pleasure of jabbing me with that long thing in my rear, so he knows it will keep me in line. :) Depending on how I feel after Sunday, I will try to post. Keep your fingers crossed..............

9

The egg retrieval yesterday went really well. You have all this build-up cause you are not sure what to expect from it & how you will feel afterwords. Everyone was really nice & so helpful. I got dressed in my lovely gown, booties, & cap & off I went to the procedure room. Jason had to head off to his special area to do his thing. They started an IV, got me hooked up to all these monitors, then came the very nice "relaxing" drug. That was wonderful. I didn't really care at that point who came in or out of that room then. Then our Dr. came in & talked to me a bit. Not sure what I said or even if it made much sense, but next thing I knew, the oxygen mask was on me, & they knocked me out.

I woke up in the recovery room with Jason at my side. I took one look at him & I wept like a fool. Not sure the exact reasoning behind the tears. I know I kept asking him how they were & how many there were. "They" being my eggs. There were 10, with the possibility of more once they got washed. And everything went well. I wasn't in much pain at all. Just achy, kind of crampy feeling. Nothing major at all. I spent the day in bed, doing nothing.

Today I am better, little bloated, but no achy feeling. I have been cleaning up the house while clenching onto my cell phone for the update as to how the follies are doing. The nurse just called & told me they got 12, but 9 have fertilized so far. The other 3 were not quite mature enough. That is fine with me. I was terrified they wouldn't fertilize at all or something would be wrong with my eggs or something. So far they have me scheduled for day 3 transfer (Friday @ 3:30), but she said it is looking like it will be a day 5 blastocyst transfer on Sunday.

I'll see if I can add the pictures off of our clinics website so you can see what they look like. Pretty interesting stuff. We will also get a picture of them before they get transferred. So far everything is looking good. I will post later once I know more about how they are doing!

http://www.pnwfertility.com/laboratory/microscope.asp

If the pictures don't show up on my post, just click the link to our fertility clinic, & you can see the pictures. :)

Here we go!

Today was much better than yesterday. I saw the same re as yesterday, but this appointment went a lot better. Thank heavens. Started off like usual, checking my lining, which she said was beautiful. Only someone in her field could say something like that. :) Then the EXTREMELY large right ovary stuffed with follies. No doubt the right ovary is the over-achiever in this cycle. The left is still being a turd. Still hiding partially, but we could see more today. She says that it won't be too difficult to get those out even if it is tucked behind the uterus. We shall see. I have a total of 18 follicles, but only 12-13 are mature enough. That is plenty. So this morning was my last shot of Lupron ( tear ) & the only shot I get tonight is the HcG. And that is the one I've feared since the very beginning. Partly because it goes in my ass & the other part is that Jason has to be the one to give it to me. God, I hope he can do this tonight. It has to be done at the exact time they tell you ( at 9pm tonight) or it will affect the whole retrieval on Tuesday. Oh, yeah, did I mention, my follies are getting sucked out this Tuesday at 8 am sharp!! Thank goodness. I've promised myself not to ever complain throughout this whole thing, & if there is one thing I could complain about is the bloating. Yuck. Makes getting dressed interesting. :)

In a nutshell, today was a good day. Makes me confident going into our appt on Tuesday. Now, if I could only stop having those dreams. I have this reoccurring dream of the scene from "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" (the original one), where they go in the room with the golden goose. Except the goose is me. In a cage, laying the eggs that either are "good" or if they are "bad" that awful rejection noise comes on & the rotten egg is dropped down below. Strange I know. But every night for the past few nights, that has been my dream.

So there it is... Tuesday is my big day. Doubt I will be able to post that day, but will try on Wednesday to keep it updated. I should know by then too, how many made it & how they are doing. Also the day of the transfer. Wish me luck!!

Day 8 of ART cycle

This morning was my appt. I didn't see my regular re, this was the one I saw on Tuesday, that I wasn't too impressed with. I've been feeling good, almost too good I suppose, so I should've seen this coming. She walks in, asks how I am, I tell her I am doing good, & she tells me that I have nothing to worry about because I've had " the most perfect cycle". Kiss of death right there. Then the ultrasound starts. Of course lazy left ovary is still partially blocked. The right one, the one that hurts sometimes has the most. But, after all the measuring & counting, she counted 10. 5 less then what my dr. counted on Thursday. I am not sure what happened to the other 5, nor did I ask. I don't know if she got all of the follicles or not. It is hard to tell which ones have been counted or not. I can only pray she counted wrong. I asked about the 10, which she said was on the low side. I remember my dr. telling me she like 15-20. I made a sour face, I am sure of it. This dr. noticed, then she said that even though it is low numbers, that because of my young age, that it could mean they are better eggs. Yeah, right lady. I may not be a dr., but I've read my stuff. Thing that sucks is that my dr. & my coordinator don't work weekends. So, I have to wait until monday to find out from them what they think. And to top it all off I have to go back again tomorrow morning. Not really sure why.... so she can tell me I have 5 instead of 10?! I don't know what to think or do anymore really. I should've remember from all the previous things, that even though things can be "perfect" doesn't mean crap really in the end. All you end up with is some positive words & a negative pregnancy test. I knew they were being too careful with me. I just knew it. So, they are still saying retrieval is on Tuesday, I will still go on with it, just to get the experience under my belt for the next cycle. I knew this could possibly happen, so that is just the way it goes I suppose. Hopefully by some great miracle tomorrows appt will give me a little more of my hope back.

Day 6

Yesterdays appt. went well. Actually saw my Dr. so that was wonderful. My left ovary was a little more visible then on Tuesday. I have 15 follicles so far. My Dr. likes to see 15-20, so she is happy with what I have so far, & the other part of my ovary isn't visible yet, so I am really on target. I know there was concern about hyper stimulating, & I completely understand that, & I don't want to deal with the side effects of that at all. But I am hoping there is a little more than 15 in there. It sounds like some huge number, I am sure. But that is no guarantee that they will be viable. I am not being a debbie downer or anything, but there is that chance. Any who, we decided to to the conventional method. Meaning, they will put my eggs in a dish & add the sperm & pray the sperm can figure out where to go!! Shoot, there isn't anywhere else they can go in the little dish, so lets hope they don't get lost in there. We got some serious problems if that happens! :) The other method is ICSI, where they inject 1 single sperm into the egg. That is usually for sperm related issues, which we don't have. I hope it works. Yesterday was also my pre-op. Just did my weight (damn my scale IS right), height, blood-pressure, all that fun stuff. Everything checked out o.k. She went over the procedure itself, which takes around 15 minutes. They don't mess around that is for sure!! In & out!! I will be there for around 2 hrs or so. It was reassuring that they don't let you leave until you can at least get up & dress yourself. Better than what they did to me after my laproscopic procedure. I woke up & 5 minutes later they were shoving me outta bed. Craziness!
I asked the Dr. when she thought the retrieval might be, & depending on how tomorrows (Saturdays') appt goes, it looks like it will be this Tuesday! Then the transfer will either be on Friday or Sunday. Most likely Friday. One week from today! Oh my!!
I know the egg retrieval will not be pleasant at all & I am prepared for that as much as I can be. But the idea or thought that this might be it for Jason & I makes me wanna take whatever discomfort or whatever to reach that goal. Honestly, I've never been more proud of myself ever. I've had some emotional moments during this, but all & all, I've been strong. I am no longer the little weak infertile person. I'm a person who was dealt with a challenge & I am going to face it head on. No matter the outcome of this cycle, or any others we may have to do, I will never forget how hard I fought & how many fears I've overcome.

1st Check-up

Yesterday was my first check-up since starting stims. My right ovary was easily visable cause it has 10 pretty good looking follicles in it. My left, though, was hiding behind my uterus. Strange I know. But that is me. Strange. She could see part of it, & there were 4 there. So, 14 so far. I turned in all my consent forms & triple checked to make sure my body is doing what it should be doing. She said there was nothing to worry about yet. Yet. But we still had to wait for my bloodwork. If my estrogen was too high, I would be back at the office today, if not, I can wait until Thursday morning. My estrogen was 187! Which is not too high, so I am set for the next step! Meds stay the same. I go in tomorrow at 9:15 & was told it will take a little longer cause I have to have pre-op instructions. Eeeekkkk!! If all goes well, my egg retrieval will be next week & a couple days later, my transfer. That is, if all goes well. Can't believe it! Look forward to the day that I don't have to poke myself with a needle. It wasn't so bad in the beginning, but now that I've got 3 going in my stomach, it is not really fun anymore. Feel like a pin-cushion sometimes.

Mad Scientist

I did it!!!! Mixed my Menopur ( with the help of a you-tube video) & injected it. Piece of cake! Did my Follistum w/ the pen thanks to the handy video they gave us at injections class. That one is pretty easy. The Menopur will be o.k once I get the hang of it. Thankfully they give you a Q-Cap, that makes it easier transfering the solution over to the powder to mix it. It stung a bit afterwords, but other than that, it was o.k. My poor tummy is a pin-cushion. It is getting difficult remembering which side I injected. Never thought I would ever say this, but thank god for my "pouch" under my belly-button. Swear that makes all the difference. :) Figured I better update tonight because I got lots of stuff to do tomorrow. It is almost 11:30pm now, not really tired, probably not going to sleep much since Jason isn't here. Not used to it. Come to think of it, this is my first time alone in this big house! Scary! Just wanted to update on my progress again. Going to go get ready for bed & finish reading "breaking dawn". Won't update until Tuesday, that is my first appt. after stims.........

Accepted in the IVF Club!

The suppression check went good. Was hard to tell at first during the ultrasound. My re kept asking about if my cycles were normal or not, which they never have been. So, long story short, the Lupron shots I've been taking has been doing what it was supposed to. That means I was doing the shot right after all. I knew it was going in, but it is weird to me that you stick it either in your thigh or tummy & it makes your ovaries "sleep". Strange. I got the green light on that side, then it was off to get blood work to make sure my estrogen was where it should be. I met with Fran, my IVF boss-lady & she gave me my schedule. My dosage hasn't changed from what they originally planned, but they started me on Saturday night(that is tonight...YIKES!) instead of Friday night. They are trying to make my schedule the same as my re so I can see her face instead of someone Else's. They only gave me my dosage for 3 days cause they are making me come in every other day to check my progress. Since I have PCOS, the stimulants I start taking tonight can make you over produce, which is called Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome or OHSS for short. It is when too many follicles develop & then your ovaries begin to swell & enlarged. Severe cases, your ovaries stretch to 10cm or larger, you become sick, then fluid can get backed up in your chest & abdominal cavity. This happens in around 1% of people. And that is the severe cases. I am happy they are keeping such a close eye on me, but it is not that much fun driving in downtown Seattle traffic in the mornings.
I got the call later in the day & my estrogen was at 24.7, which she said was perfect. Yes, she said perfect. Hey, I will take whatever compliment I can get in regards to my body & what it is doing!
Tonight is my first shot at mixing the Menopur. I am nervous as hell about it, cause it seems so complicated & the needle is larger then the current one I use, so that will be interesting. The Follistim I am not worried about, cause it doesn't use a needle, it uses a pen. That one I am OK with. I will do that one first I think because I have a feeling the mixing of the other drug, will take me some time to figure out. It kinda sucks cause Jason is over visiting his dad, & I would like to have a 2Nd pair of eyes helping me out. But I am sure once I get it all straight, I will get the hang of it. I hope. If not, you will hear me screaming in frustration. I know I say this in every post, but this is all moving so fast. I am getting anxious. I wanna see what my eggs look like. I wanna see that picture of the ones they transfer. I am excited. Not too excited, cause this is still the beginning stages, but I find myself in a very fortunate position. Thankful I have supportive friends & family, that our insurance pays 80% of this, thankful for finally finding an re that actually wants to see me get knocked up, & thankful that no matter what happens with this cycle, I get to have a photo of them in the earliest stages of life. How magical is that? I know there is debate out there about mixing "Science" & nature, it is something I struggled with myself, but when I see the bigger picture, the whole process is a blessing. The fact that we have this kind of option is amazing. I am sure all the people who have to go this route would rather not & do it naturally. I think for me, I've been at this off & on for a few years now, & it sucks, but I am appreciating it so much more then if I got knocked up naturally. If I am blessed enough to have a child through this, I will look at him or her or them ( u never know, might be more than one) & know how hard I fought for them & that will just make me love them more & appreciate them that much more & thank god everyday that they are in my life. I'll post tomorrow about how the new shots went!! Keep your fingers crossed I do it right.

Day Before my Big Day

So tomorrow (the 28th) is my suppression check appt. at 8:45 am. Not thrilled with the early appt. & dealing with downtown Seattle traffic at that time. But if things go well, I will have to get used to early morning appts. once the daily bloodwork starts. Eeekkk..... I am a bit nervous about tomorrow. It is hard to tell if the Lupron injections I've been giving myself are working or not, nothing feels different I guess. I started my period just like I was supposed to after my last dose of birth control was on Saturday. So that is a good sign, right? I just hope that tomorrow goes well. I think the only thing that has changed is that I am a weepy mess. Even at work, I am a weepy mess. Thankfully the girls I work with are cool, & let me hide in the corner for a bit until I get over myself.
So tomorrow they will do an pelvic ultrasound to check that I am "suppressed", meaning no cysts have formed or anything & then bloodwork. If everything looks good, I will be accepted in the IVF Club. Would really suck to get to this point & have it cancelled, but I am trying to stay positive. I just get nervous about these things. If all goes well, I will get my schedule of doses of 2 more injections that I will have to give myself & any labs I will need done & on what days. Kind of scared to see that chart because we saw an example of one during our injections class, & it looked pretty crazy. Thankfully all the staff there are really helpful & patient, so that makes it a bit easier. Keep your fingers crossed that it all goes well for me tomorrow. I will post again when I get the news!

1st Shot

This morning was my first injection of Lupron. I've been pretty o.k this past week about giving this shot because the needle is pretty small. I watched my little video to refresh my memory a bit about what I was supposed to do. Got all my stuff together that I needed. Alcohol swabs, needle, Lupron, & my dosage sheet. I must have stared at my little "how-to" sheet that came with the medicine for a long time. I began to psyche myself out about it a bit. But there was just no other way around it. I told myself, that there are lots of other women out there who can do this & they are just fine, so I can do it too. I took a deep breath, pinched some fat on my tummy, & slid the needle in. Hardly even felt it. Once the needle was out, I started to shake. I am sure just out of sheer disbelief that I, who is not a fan of needles, just put one in my tummy!! I called Jason, who was out getting us our Sunday breakfast to tell him I did it. I think even he was shocked that I did it. But probably relieved that I didn't have to have him do it. He saw me getting all the stuff together before he left, made a strange face & took off. Hopefully that isn't a sign that the shots I need him to help me with because of their location, will be tough for him to do. It was all funny before but now that it is happening, the reality has set in a bit with him. Hopefully he can keep it together. I am proud of myself. Never in a million years did I think I had it in me to do something like this.

Injections 101

Yesterday was our class. There were 3 other couples in our group. I must say, & it probably isn't nice, but Bubs' & I were the youngest in the group. That was a boost for me! Doesn't guarantee that our outcome will be different from theirs. But I was nervous about who all would be in our group, what they looked like, how old they were, etc. We watched a 20 minute video & I took lots of notes like a good girl. Then our nurse came in with a tub full of stuff. The first shot I begin with will be a piece of cake. Use a small insulin needle & the dosage is very small. I will post more on that later. Then, it moves onto the mixing of the injections. Makes me wish I paid way more attention in chemistry class. I have an idea of what to do, but thankfully we can bring those in before we take them, & the staff will help us. So confusing about what needle goes with what syringe, what needle to use to mix this, this needle can only go here, blah,blah,blah..... Information overload for sure. I am going to take the nurses' advice, only leave out what you are currently taking, keep everything else hidden away so you don't get overwhelmed. And of course call if you have any questions. I am happy that the first shots will be o.k. I can totally handle that one. It can go either in your tummy below the belly button or in your upper thigh. I've got plenty of "cushion" on either area, but I am going to take it in the tummy. I can see that better. And not that I walk around in short shorts all the time, I like knowing my "track marks" will be hidden by a shirt. No doubt about it this has been one long journey, but what amazes me the most is how much I've grown. Never ever did I believe I would give myself injections for anything. Now look at me! So the countdown begins, one week from this Sunday, I put my new knowledge to the test!

S.I.S. Test

Yesterday was my S.I.S (saline infusion sonogram). It was some what funny because it was all the things I've done up to this point, but all at once. S.I.S is a lot like IUI's. Use the same catheter, but instead of injecting sperm, it is saline solution, then the little ultrasound wand goes in, they look around, measure, all that fun stuff. I couldn't tell what they were looking at. I've gotten pretty good with spotting my ovaries on that thing, but I once thought my bladder was a tumor! I am a bit dramatic what can I say? The dr. was wonderful & explained everything she was doing & what was on the screen I was looking at. She even cracked a little joke, which I won't repeat, but it totally made me relax. Either that or it was all the ibuprofen I pumped myself up with! My uterine lining was good & there were no polyps!! May sound lame to others, but that was a little victory for me. Made my whole day. She took a look at my ovaries to see what was going on. My right one had 6 "resting eggs" & the left had 2. She said Dr. Marshall will be happy with everything. Whoo-hoo! I met with my IVF coordinator, Fran, to make sure since there was a delay on my period, if we needed to update my schedule. Thankfully we won't. Jason & I goto our "shots class" on Thursday. She said we get to practice on a variety of fruits. That should be interesting. I am a bit nervous, but more anxious than anything. My first shot is on the 17th of this month! That will be here before you know it. So far everything is going smoothly. Almost too smoothly for me. I am always really leary when things go too well. I've been in this position before, all this good news & then failure. I am staying postive though. This is a journey I never want to forget, no matter the outcome

Day 2 & 3

Yesterday was a nightmare. Was scheduled for an 8:15 am appointment for day 2 bloodwork. I made it downtown fine, but they were having some sort of "fun run" or something, so every block was closed. I was freaking out cause I was lost & had no where to park. I was an emotional wreck. I finally gave up, called the dr. & asked if I could come in on day 3. Thankfully it was ok. My appointment was at 9:45 this morning, but I got there at 9. I was hoping they would let me sit in the waiting room for awhile, but nope, they called me right back, & a minute later I was done. My appointment was so quick that I didn't even get charged for my parking! Too bad all my appointments weren't like that! Seems crazy to drive all that way for bloodwork, but it is all for a good cause I suppose. So, since I had the bloodwork done today, I began the birthcontrol. Everything is falling into place now it seems. Friday I go in for my S.I.S test. A bit nervous about that. You know it must be uncomfortable if they require you to take an ibeprofen a half hour before. Just hope I will be ok enough to get back to work without anyone knowing. Can't believe how fast this is all going. Unreal. Now all that is left is to sign up for our shots class. Hopefully we can do it while Jason is on vacation in the beginning of August. I've heard it is a lot of info, so we shall see.

The Beginning

I guess I always new that there was something wrong with me. Of course when I was younger, the fact that my period would show once every 3 months or so was something I didn't mind. Others were actually jealous that they didn't have messed up cycles like me. If I knew then what I know now, I would've done something about it a lot sooner. From the time I was little, I knew I wanted to be a mom. My favorite thing to play was "house". Never in a million years would I have guessed it would take a village to make it happen for me.
Shortly after Jason & I were married, I wanted kids. My gyno put me on birth control for about a year thinking it would regulate my cycles. After the year was up, he put me on Clomid. That did nothing. I tried this 3 or 4 months, finally we said we need to see a specialist. We were referred to the Gyft Clinic in Tacoma. I remember shaking terribly before our first appointment. I just expected to walk in, they would say, "Nope, not going to happen" & out we would be. Of course that isn't what happend. They did another few cycles of Clomid, but monitored me more closely. When that failed it was onto the IUI's with Clomid. I was terrified the first time. But I was so hopeful. I was convinced it worked. Then my period showed. I would do another 2 IUI's there & also a laproscopic surgery. After receiving results that made no sense to me, & I am no doctor, we decided to get a second opinion. So off to Seattle Reproductive Medicine. There, the doctor agreed that the treatment the other doctor wanted to do wasn't necessary. We did one more IUI there. We left that office because of insurance reasons. We have infertility coverage but they wouldn't bill our insurance. Was a complete waste. Now we are at Pacific Northwest Fertility. I know that I've gone through all of this for a reason, but sometimes I wish we would've just started there. They are wonderful people & I actually feel like they are going to help us. And although I expressed my desire to move onto something other than IUI's, our doctor felt it had been a timing issue in the past. So, that led to 3 more IUI's. If you've done your math right or if I have for that matter, that is 7 IUI's all together. All failed. There is all this build up before & then just horrible feeling afterwords when you are told it didn't work. Now we are onto IVF. And even though in the beginning of all this ttc stuff, I always said there was no way I was doing IVF, after everything I've been put through, I can do this. Yes, I freaked out when I received my very large box full of meds & shots. And yes, the thought of giving myself shots makes me wanna cringe. I am ready for this. The hard part of this whole process is the "unknown" & I pray this is it for us. Other aspects in my life have come pretty easily to me, so if this is what I will have to fight for, to work hard for, than that is what I will do.